


But what if the wind blows in the opposite direction and hits me with my whispered words?

by mervoxx



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 01:09:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15131768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mervoxx/pseuds/mervoxx
Summary: Two years after Zayn's departure.





	But what if the wind blows in the opposite direction and hits me with my whispered words?

**Author's Note:**

> Good evening, I hope this will be okay. I had it in mind since Zayn left, but didn't have time to put it into words - actually, I've started writing it months ago. English is not my native language, so if you see any mistake, inconsistency or whatever feel free to tell me !!! Thank you 
> 
> P.S: To Marine and Chaima the angels)

Surrey, the mansion - April, 24th, 2017

He had been thinking about it. Since he met Harry in that bar, he had been thinking about it. 

A few weeks ago, Zayn sent a text to Harry for a rendezvous, to talk about things they had to sort out, especially for what he said during an interview about him. That they weren't close enough, that everything was not as it was seen. Sure it wasn't, but not about Harry. Harry was one of his three best friends. Talking about them, Zayn didn't have any update about Niall nor Louis. Even less about Liam. All he had was information found in tabloids such as The Sun. They had to meet in a pub managed by one of their commune, long-time friends, Elijah. The latter gave the keys to Zayn, thus they weren't going to be disturbed by paparazzi and so on. In fact, that was why they were meeting so late. It was nearly midnight. Elijah was a true friend and the Pakistani boy was thanking him for his trust. Zayn sat on a chair at the back of the small restaurant, waiting for Harry, after taking a beer in the fridge. As the green eyed boy entered in the pub, Zayn sat up. 

"Hey," Zayn said, smiling. 

Harry smiled too. "Hey Z, how are you? How it's going?" Zayn was looking straight at him. "Good, good, everything is fine." Zayn hesitantly reached out to take Harry's hand, to meet him properly but Harry embraced him. Then, Z was feeling a little bit more confident. "I'm making the music I like with the lyrics I like and the collaboration I want to do. Everything is fine. What about you," asked Zayn, he then sat up, went to the fridge, taking another beer for Harry. The latter thanked him, sitting down on the red and soft leather couch. 

"I'm happy that you're doing what you like. Um, for me it's the same. I'm going on tour soon, Sign of the time had good critics from the media and the fans. I'm doing well." Harry smiled to him again.

"I saw it on the tabloids. I was really proud. Um, Harold, about what I said in the interview, it wasn't me. I mean, technically it was me, but they forced me to say it. From what I understood they needed drama. I never thought what I said. You were my best friend. You still are my best friend. I'm sorry about that." 

Harry only nodded. "Z, I know. You don't have to explain yourself. I know you didn't think what you said." 

"And the others?" _'And Liam?'_ "How they are doing?" _'How my lee is doing?'_  

"Well, Niall is also going on tour. Louis has different collabs, and Liam is a daddy now. He has a son, with Cheryl. Bear." Zayn was looking at him. He heard his heart breaking, his mind becoming all foggy. "Oh... Like.. I.. I didn't know. Well, I did, but I was thinking that it was one of modest!'s game again?"

"No, not this time. He wanted to have a child. He is in love with her. They have bought a house near London, and also he wanted to sell your house in Surrey." Zayn was looking through the window. "I will give him his parts of the house. I don't want to sell it." They had so much memories in there, but Liam was decided to erase everything about them. And he was right. Zayn left, and he was paying the consequences of what he had done. 

"Why don't you call him to tell him Zayn?" Truth was, he was afraid. Fucking afraid. Outrageously afraid.

"I don't have his number anymore, Harry. And even if I had it, I do not think that he'll be happy to hear my voice. He has a life now. He is a father, he has a girlfriend, a house, many cars, lots of friends. He also has many songs. As talented as before. I'm not allowed to enter in his life again. Even if I wanted to check up on him, I know that it's just not my place anymore."

"But you miss him, don't you?" Harry asked, locking their eyes together. Oh boy. He was missing him like hell, their moments, their hugs, their laughs, their jokes, their kisses, but he only looked away, taking a sip of his drink.

 

And now, he was sitting on his bed, in Leeyum's basketball shirt, the Lakers one, his phone in his hand. Why should he call him? To hear him telling about how he's loving life with his wife and his son? And what Zayn was going to tell him? It has been so long, he thought. What did he has to tell him? He was so unsure about either calling him or staying quiet for the rest of his life. 

Nevertheless, Harry was right. He was missing him like hell and he wanted to hear his voice, even if he was going to hang up on him or he was going to answer it, but probably telling him to shuting the fuck up and minding his own business. He opened his contacts and went to "Liam Payne". He smiled ironically as he remembered that before, in his phone, Liam was registered as "my only one". He pressed the button.

A deep voice responded to him. " 'Lo?"

"Liam, it's me."

"Zayn?" He sounded surprised. It was the least to say.

"Yeah, it's me. How are you? Sorry I'm calling late, I thought you weren't sleeping." 

"Um, yeah, I- I was watching TV. I'm good, thanks. And you? Are you drunk?"

"No, no I'm not. Not at all. I'm good too. How you doing ?"

"Well, I'm doing great." Said Liam. He was hesitant. What could you say to someone who you did not see for at least two years? After a small blank, Liam sat up on his couch, as he was lying down few minutes ago. "Um, we are on a break with one direction. I released a few songs here and there. I did a collab with Quavo, it was really good. He's smashing it," Liam said, and Zayn could literally hear him smile. "And you?"

"Yeah, um, the same. I'm singing, making music videos, going to fashion shows." 

"Oh, okay. I heard about Pillow Talk and your feat with Sia. You did a great job," Liam wanted to add 'as always you smashed it', but he kept it for himself. 

"Thank you, Lee. Your opinion counts, as always." Zayn was biting hip bottom lip. There was a blank, but it didn't lasted long as Zayn spoke.

"So... I heard about Bear.." Started Zayn, struggling with his words. Hearing Liam's breath through the phone was a feeling that he had forgotten about. Was he really talking like a stranger to the man who was his best friend and boyfriend during 6 years? That was what they were. Strangers. Zayn cleared his throat, breathing heavily. 

"Um.. Is it true, Leeyum?" He asked, looking at the white wall in front of him. Zayn's mind was screaming that 'Tell me no. Tell me that he isn't your son, tell me you aren't a daddy, tell me that you didn't do that without me'. 

"It is Zee. I am a father, Bear is my son. Cheryl is my girlfriend. I'm so happy about it, you know how much I love children. Especially if it's mine." In a way, he sounded genuinely glad about it. But in another one, he sounded so fucking fake. Every word escaping his mouth was sounding utterly fake.

"Why didn't you tell me about all of this?" 

"Zayn, you left us. You left me. I woke up and you weren't here anymore. You send me a text. Only a text, telling that you were quitting, that it was too much to handle, that you wanted to be a normal 22 aged young man. What were you expecting? Me putting the Red Carpet under your feet? For fucks sake, Zayn Malik. Stop being an idiot. I don't want to argue with you."

Zayn's eyes were shiny. _Idiot._

"Okay, Leeyum, as you wish. Congratulations, by the way." 

"Thanks," answered Liam, looking at Bear in his crib. "I have to go. Thanks for calling," said Liam. Zayn only nodded. He didn't know what to say. Zayn Malik, who always had something to say, was as quiet as the grave. He heard the beep through the phone. He closed his eyes. That was what he deserved. And, of course, Zayn had loved him, and still loved him. Liam was right: he was Zayn's first, and probably Zayn's last. He was so in love with him but he was aware that Liam has moved on, forgetting everything about them. And, again, that was what he deserved. 

 

At this moment, he remembered a sentence told by his mother: all that we have is faith and love. Faith and love... Whenever love is gone, faith is gone too. At least, that was Zayn's thought.

 

_The dreaming of building a family - June, 13th, 2014_

_Zayn was lying on the couch, watching TV when Liam stepped out of the bathroom. "babe," said Liam, sitting down next to him, only wearing a towel around his hips, his hair still wet. "I was thinking... What if we started to build our family?"_

_Zayn frowned, sitting up. "Our family? Aren't we a family already?" Zayn knew what Liam meant, but he wanted to hear it. To be sure if it was real or if he was dreaming._

_"Zee, stop messing with me," answered Liam, droplets of water dripping from his hair and along his chest. "A proper family. Like, you know. We already have a house yeah, and we have Loki. And Rhino, and Watson. And we have cars, and... And we are living together." He moved closer to him, their foreheads touching. "Like a little Zayn and a little Liam, or a little princess running after our dogs?"_ _Zayn kissed him instead of answering, biting Liam's bottom lip. "I would love to have children with you, Liam. Actually, you're the only person with who I could imagine that." Liam grinned so big that it made Zayn's heart ache._

_"Yeah?" Liam sounded so unsure. Zayn knew that everything was difficult for Liam, since Zayn was his first real relationship. "You would? I mean, we could, right? Adopt a baby boy yeah? He'll be our son, yeah?" Liam was on top of him, kissing him, from his lips to his neck, his chest, his everything._

 

Zayn was driving to his house in Surrey, that he had bought with Liam. He wanted to have some rest for a few days, away from the noise of the city, the media, the management. He parked his Porsche in the garage and stepped out of his car. He closed the door behind him after entering to the huge house. Everything was still the same. He went straight to the bedroom. He put the lights on, he scoped the room, especially the photos hanging on the wall. There were photos of his family, of his friends, and of course of Liam. He stepped near the wall. He was analyzing the cliches he took of him and his ex-boyfriend. He touched Liam's face with his finger, with a small smile on his face. He used to sleep in this king sized bed with Liam. He used to cook meals in that kitchen downstairs with Liam. He used to watch the sunrise and the sunset with Liam, and the latter ignored that for Zayn, Liam was his sunrise and his sunset. He sighed, returning to the living room. 

He was watching TV, eating noodles, a bottle of Corona on the coffee table, when someone knocked at the door. Zayn sat up from the couch. He opened the door, and Liam was in front of him. Zayn's eyes widened, looking straight at the boy in front of him.

"What are you doing here?" was the first sentence Zayn told Liam since their phone call, which was two months and a half ago. 

"It's also my house Zayn. I come here when I need to be alone." Liam looked at Zayn. Even if Zayn was wearing his pajamas, barefoot, he was _stunning._ He left the door open and Liam entered in the beautiful mansion.

"Well, I'm here. So you can't be alone because it's my house too."

"Stop being ridiculous. You're acting like a child, Zayn."

"I can act like a child since I'm not a father. I don't have much responsibilities, compared to you." Liam only looked at Zayn, aggressively. 

"Stop."

"Stop what Leeyum? I didn't even started yet. But, I was told that you were happy."

"Zayn, really, stop it. Fucking stop it. You, now, are nobody to tell me what you think about my life. I don't need your opinion." That fucking hurts, thought Zayn. But he won't let Liam see it.

"I am nobody? Oh well, let me remember you that this nobody was your boyfriend two years ago, this nobody bought this fucking house with you, this nobody made love to you on every furniture in this so-called house! Stop with the nobody bullshit. I am not nobody, and you know it. Stop acting like everything is normal. You are going to be married. You are a father. A father... oh god. A father." 

Zayn stepped behind and went to the open-plan kitchen. He took a glass a water. He really needed to clear his mind. 

"And you left me. That's the same." Liam followed him. 

"It is not. Don't lie to me. I left but I didn't come back telling you "hello Lee I'm a daddy! You know, we were planning to do this together but I found somebody else." Liam, imagine. Imagine if one day while reading a magazine, you see my face next to Gigi's, with a huge title "parents-to-be". Just, Liam, try to draw it in your mind. How will you react?" Liam's eyes became darker, his chocolate gaze turning to a color near black. 

"Don't even think about it. You can't do that, Zayn, you know that you can't. I am the only one you had, the only one you will ever have. You promised, yeah? Never forget that." Liam went closer to Zayn. "Do you think it's easy for me? Seeing you hugging and kissing that Gigi girl? Zayn, god, stop acting like we are enemies. Stop..." Liam was stroking Zayn's blushed cheek with his finger. "Stop.." repeated Liam. Zayn could tell that Liam was hesistant. He could literally hear him thinking out loud. His ex-boyfriend was now looking straight at him. Liam was dealing between his mind and his heart. Should he tell Zayn to get the fuck out of this house because he wanted to live in here with his girlfriend and their beautiful son or should he listen to his heart and tell him that since Zayn's gone he's missing half of his heart?

"I miss you so much. Zayn," started Liam, approaching him.

"I'm not going to forgive you," said Zayn, backing off. But Liam took his hand, pulling Zayn in his arms. 

"I know, jaan. I know we need time." Liam kissed his nose, his arms around his waist. "We both need to process things, but without fighting. We need to talk like proper adults. We need to sort out things, like we did before." 

Zayn looked at him, he was devastated. "You abandoned me. Lee, I know that I left without saying a word, I already apologized for it but you didn't answer my calls or my texts. I'm telling you again: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry about it. But you? Becoming a father?" He left Liam's arms, he was about to cry. But he didn't. "We can't sort out things because we're not the same ones as before." He shook his head, took his pack of cigarettes and went to the garden. He sat down in the chair, smoking. He felt lost. He was lost. He wanted to kiss Liam, to tell him that everything was okay and they were going to be like before. But he couldn't. He heard Liam leaving, slamming the door. He allowed himself to cry, tears rolling down his face.

 

 _The Leaving - March, 25th, 2015_  

_Zayn woke up earlier than usual. He was in Liam's arms, wrapped up on his chest. He did everything he could to make Liam feel comfortable. It was difficult at the beginning but when Liam asked him if he was okay, he only said "I love you so much, it's hurting me, jaan,". The smile Liam gave him enlighted his whole world. And now, he had to leave._

_Liam was so happy, Zayn could tell. Since X-Factor, Liam loved everything about his life. He had tons of new friends, four brothers and a boyfriend. He discovered that girls wasn't his thing the day he met Zayn at McDonalds. The first time Liam saw Zayn, he felt something different. Like, his whole world, already built around his family, a few friends, her girlfriend, was shattered because of that beautiful boy with his huge hazel eyes, his sharped cheekbones, his full lips and his lack of trust in himself. They began to be friends at first, but they both felt that something wasn't normal. They always needed to be near eachother, touching eachother, hugging, watching movies. And Liam knew for sure when Zayn started to challenge him, on top of him, while saying "come on, then, come on" and they ended up kissing on the floor of the tour bus. Liam fell in love so hard, he didn't see it coming._ _The truth was that, it was the same for Zayn. "Leeyum, you changed my life, you're my whole life", and that was so true. Thus, Zayn knew that One Direction was Liam's lifesaver. However, what he ignored, was that he was more than One Direction for Liam. Actually, Zayn was his only hero._

_Zayn sat up, looking at his lover. "I love you," whispered Zayn. His eyes traveled along Liam's body. He got hickeys from the last wild nights they had, on his shoulder, his ribcage, his neck, near his heart. Everywhere. Zayn loved marking his territory. Liam was his, and he wanted the world to know it. Zayn stroked Liam's cheek, then his chest. Fuck it, it was harder than he has thought. He saw they life flashing by in front of his eyes. Every moment they had together, from their first time to their dates, the laughs, the flirting, the crying, every moment happy or sad or angry. Even their fights, that always ended with Liam kissing him or Zayn hugging him because, "Zayn I can't live without you and I hate fighting with you". Zayn, at this moment, wanted to kill every staff member of Modest!. They have wasted their lifes. And now, they were going to do it again. Zayn was crying silently, putting his head right next to Liam's. "I'm so sorry, Liam, forgive me," whispered Zayn._

_He kissed him one last time and stood up, deserting their bedroom. He felt empty, devastated, alone. Before starting the engine of his Porsche, he sent a message to the Management. "It's done. Leave me and him alone now." As Liam was slowly waking up as the sunrays were invading their bedroom, Zayn was driving to the airport._

 

This was that, then, thought Zayn as he was cleaning his Surrey house one day. He hadn't heard from Liam for one month at least. 

As the doorbell rang, Zayn slowed Chris Brown's _Turn up the music_ down and he went to open it. He looked up and made an unwanted eye contact with Liam and his brown eyes nowadays turned to black stopped upon a well dressed man. 

"Good morning, mr Malik," started the stranger. Liam didn't even dare to speak. Great. Something was going on and Zayn knew that he wasn't going to like it. "I'm John Kavanagh, from Arlington House Apartments. I'm the estate agent in charge of the house you have with mr Payne, who's present here, as you both wanted to sell it." 

Zayn was astonished as he looked at Liam, his eyes anchoring his. He never agreed for something like that, he just remembered that Harry told him vaguely that Liam wanted to sell it. He never said "yes", he never talked about it with Liam. 

"Well, Mr Kavanagh, with all due respect that I have towards you, I never have agreed for such a thing. I, unbelievably, wasn't aware of it. I'm living here, it is partly my house and I don't want to sell it. I'm sorry that you had to come along here in vain." 

 

Zayn waited for them to go, looking especially at Liam. Mr Kavanagh went back to his car, talking with Liam. Zayn was ready to close the door as someone, he guessed Li, came in. 

"Why are you acting like this Zayn? This house is not necessary anymore. For both of us." Liam was looking at him, leaning against the wall. "You are so childish. How did I go through 5 years with you?" The Pakistani heard his broken heart breaking again more and more, but he wasn't showing it. 

"You liked my behavior before. Things change I guess, as we did." He crossed his arms, standing up in the middle of the living room. "You know that I don't want to sell my house. I love it, I lived here since 5 years. I sold my other mansions, I already told you. I don't want to give it away. I can give you the amount of money that you want. I can call the bank for a cash-transfer. As you want." Zayn was so candid that Liam felt it in his heart. Zayn was right. The last two years, he has lived here more than Liam and he couldn't take his house away from him, even if half of it was his. And Liam had to stop making excuses to see him. He wasn't here for the house. Well he was, but it was partly because he wanted to see Zayn. His ex-boyfriend always knew how to comfort him and at the present time, he needed someone to tell him everything was going to be okay. 

"Okay, then. I'm sorry. I should have called you first." said Liam and Zayn smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. 

"Zayn, I wanted to talk about something else." Liam was hesistant, again, and well, Zayn was comprehensive since he was too. Everything was difficult between them, because of the leaving, the unfulfilled dreams, the unsaid words, the lack of trust in eachother. The Pakistani boy frowned, listening to him. "If I have to be honest, I came here because I wanted to talk to you. Zee, I'm so sorry for what happened to us. I want to travel back in time and stop you the morning you left. I know that it's partly my fault. I didn't ask how you felt, neither what you wanted to do." He stepped towards Zayn. "Zee, I want to start everything over. I want you to go to McDonald's and I will come here by pure coincidence, we'll meet, and at the end I'll kiss you." 

Zayn blushed, smiling sincerely. "You know that we can't right? You have a beautiful child, a wife, an amazing career. You are not supposed to feel like this. I want that too, I've always wanted that. But it's too late. We had great time together hadn't we?" He was still smiling. He took his ex-boyfriend's hand. "I believe in you. I know that you got a song called "Familiar". I'm sorry I.. I still have your iCloud account. But I didn't go to your photos or whatever, don't worry. I listened to it and it's fantastic." Zayn kissed his cheek. "I believe in your talent and your voice. And in your fatherhood too." Liam finally hugged him and Zayn felt like home. He felt like he was coming back home after a long and boring journey. He smelled Liam's scent, as he was used to do it. It was a mixture between cigarette and his shower shampoo based on vanilla that Zayn used to have. "Thank you," whispered Liam as he took a step back. He kissed the corner of Zayn's mouth. "You'll always be my favorite you know that?" Zayn nodded, kissed the "L" tattoo on Liam's hand. "You'll always be mine too." 

They afterwards went to the garden, Zayn needed a smoke because he knew that it was going to be a long and complicated evening. They talked during hours. About why Zayn left, how he was feeling, why Liam decided to become a father. They cried, they shouted, they even hit each other. They, then, calming down, talked again, until the sun was starting to rise and Zayn falling asleep. Liam carried him in his bed. He afterwards took his shoes off and before he went to big spooning Zayn, he sent a message to Cheryl. "I agree about what you said earlier today. I think we should separate our ways." He then closed his eyes, falling asleep next to the man who he has fallen in love again that evening. Everything was slowly setting down between them. 

They slept for what felt like hours, and as he remembered, when Zayn woke up, he was feeling rested and he never slept that well since he left the band. He was looking at Liam who was still sleeping, peacefully, wearing his boxers only. Zayn smiled because Liam kept that habit. He watched him during several minutes and then stood up, taking a tee shirt from his drawer. He liked to wake up with piano, thus he put Ludovico Einaudi on speakers and went to the kitchen, preparing the breakfast. He saw Liam at the door, grinning at him. 

"Morning beautiful," Liam said, coming next to Zayn. He hugged him, resting his chin on his shoulder. "Slept well?" 

Zayn nodded, smiling. "I made scrambled eggs because I didn't have time to got to the market. My fridge is empty I'm sorry," said Z. Liam stepped back. "You didn't eat, did you?" Zayn looked at him. "Of course you didn't. Zayn, I thought we were okay about that? You know that you have to eat, yeah? I don't want to see you lose weight anymore, please." Zayn knew that Liam was right, they had already talked about his eating disorder since the beginning of their relationship and how it affected both of them. "I'm sorry," started Zayn. Liam shushed him, putting his hands on his cheeks. "It's okay baby, don't be. I just don't want you to be sick again." 

Zayn bent towards him, his lips brushing against his. He then grinned, looking at Liam. "C'mon, we have to eat. We'll go to the market then," said Zayn, taking a fork. Liam was smiling so big that it hurt his cheeks. "I love you," answered the latter. "I know," replied Zayn, as he started to eat. 

Zayn and Liam choose a house in a small town near Surrey because nobody knew them there and it was perfect. They went to the market then, walking side to side. "Lee, I wanted to tell you something... Were you serious when you said that you wanted to move in our house with Cheryl? Or when you said you wanted to sell it?" questioned Zayn, looking at him. Liam shook his head. "I wasn't. Well, to be honest, I have thought about it but every time I look at a furniture, or I'm in a room, I remember you dancing, you painting, you singing, you watching TV... I think I can't live there alone or with someone else. I thought that selling it was the only option left, but as soon as you opened the door, I knew that I couldn't. I couldn't erase what we had. I thought that I hated you, but I don't. I can't. You're a part of me Zayn, whatever you do, whoever you become." 

Zayn kissed him so hard that they _nearly_ fell to the floor. 

 

Once they were at the market, Zayn took a shopping cart. They were buying a little bit of everything, from ice cream to bread. "Zayn, do you want frozen cheeseburgers? Or I could, you know, make them? Mom showed me." Zayn stepped next to him, his lips brushing his, and his arms around his neck. "I'd love to, Lee," replied Zayn. He knew that they had lots of things to discuss but right now, he wanted to enjoy Liam's presence. It had been nearly 2 years without him and they had so much time to catch up. 

While going back home, Zayn was holding Liam's hand. "What are you gonna do about Cheryl?" he asked. "I know that you don't especially want to talk about it, but, you know that we can't avoid it forever yeah?" 

"I don't know, Zayn. Before I came here, as you already know, she said that she wanted to break up. She also said that I was a shitty father because I wasn't around for Bear, I wasn't there to watch him growing up." Zayn stopped walking, looking at Liam. "You're not a shitty father, Liam. You're the greatest I've ever known, you're like my Baba. As great as him, yeah? Louis told me." Zayn smiled, playing with Liam's fingers. "I know that you are, and I know that Bear loves you. I do, too. I love you." Those three words were reasoning in Liam's head. 

"I love you, jaan. Forever," said Liam, his eyes shiny from what Zayn has said. It meant so much for both of them. It meant that neither of them had forgotten about what they had, what they felt. What they are still feeling. It meant that they never stopped loving eachother. And that Zayn was ready and was _right next to Liam_ for what will come in the near future. 

 

 _The evening when (nearly) everything was sorted out, Surrey - August, 15th, 2017 - 2.37 AM_  

_"Stop, stop lying in front of my face. Liam, stop, really, at least you could be respectful, yeah? We were together, we slept together, we know eachother's life, eachother's everything. For what we'd had, I just want you to be respectful and stop lying to me." Zayn was so angry and sad and devastated. He wanted to punch him so much._

_"You lied too. You said you were happy, you said that you wouldn't leave me alone, you knew, Zayn, you fucking knew everything, and you still left me. Without a word, a text, a phone call. A fucking phone call. You only had to go to your contacts, find me and press my fucking name, and wait for me to pick up and hear my fucking voice. But you didn't. You left, you left and you know what? I hate you. I fucking hate you so much." Liam's fists were clenched. And Zayn saw it. "You're going to hit me? Do it. Do it!" But instead, he felt Liam's lips on his. He stepped back, slapping him._

_"Don't you fucking dare, Liam James Payne. Don't you fucking dare." Zayn went away from him, lighting a cigarette. He felt nicotine penatrating his lungs and he was  already less stressed._

_"I slept with Cheryl because I wanted to forget you. I wanted to erase you from my head, from my life. I went out, I smoked, I drank, I slept here and there with girls, boys, with everything I could find. But that one time, I was so drunk. I called you, I remember. I called you and you didn't answer. And, I also remember that the day after, you'd published something on Twitter about your anxiety."_

_Zayn was listening carefully. He felt like it was all his fault. If he had answered, maybe Liam wouldn't be a father. He remained silent._

_"I turned off my phone that night. I argued with Gigi. She wanted me to go to her parents' farm. I'm sorry Lee-"_

_"Don't. It's not your fault. You know, being a father is not bad. I love him so much, but I understood that I didn't want parenthood with her. I thought... Zayn, I need to talk to you." Zayn frowned. "You're scaring me, but go on," he answered._

_"Before I came here, I had a talk with Cheryl. She said that she wanted to break up, Zayn, I, I said that I agreed but I'm so afraid, what if she takes my son away from me? She has every proof she needs to get the custody. Zayn, I-"_

_"Hey, hey, baby, calm down, please," Zayn took his hands between his, kissing them. "I'm here. I'm right here, with you. I'll be with you, always, I promised that at your birthday right? When you were eighteen, I promised. I promise again. I'm here."_

_Liam calmed down, looking right in Zayn's eyes. "You're here, with me, Zee, yeah?" Zayn only nodded, kissing him slowly. Since the beginning, Liam's remedy for his stress was Zayn. Zayn's hugs, Zayn's kisses, Zayn's smiles._

_They stayed like this for what felt like forever. It was difficult for them to discuss because both of them weren't ready to explain what happened during two years. Those two years felt like a lifetime. While playing with a sleepy Liam's hair, who cried a little bit, his head on his chest, Zayn was thinking about what was going to happen to them, between them. Everything was so difficult. Zayn wanted Liam to leave, to go to his son who needed him more than Z but he loved Liam. Always has, you know? And, probably, always will. Because Liam was Zayn's universe._

_After a long and restful silence between them, Zayn chose to say the truth. If they wanted that to work again, they had to be honest with eachother as they were before. "I had to leave," dropped Zayn like a bomb. Liam wiped off his cheeks, looking at Zayn._

_"What do you mean you "had to"?"_

_"At first, I had to be the father, Liam, with Perrie and everything. They convoked me five days before the day I left. They said that after the engagement, I'll have to have a child with her. I said that I didn't want it, since we are together and I simply wasn't ready, I didn't want to be a father at 22. Afterwards, they blackmailed. They said either I accept the fatherhood, or I leave the group and I had to act like I wanted to and I also had to behave so you, with Louis, Harry and Niall, would hate me. Especially you, Lee. If I didn't accept, they said that they were going to tell everything. I knew you weren't ready, neither was I. I made my choice then." Liam could hardly believe what he was hearing. Zayn continued, "They gave me 5 days. That's why I was always with you, you remember? We went on dates everyday, even when we weren't allowed we ensured to sleep together. We also made love many times. I had to leave, Li, it never was my choice. God, how-" Zayn ran a hand across his face. "How did you believe that I left on my own? After all these years Lee?"_

_"Zayn, I... I didn't..." Liam was still looking at him. "Why didn't you tell me? Zayn... I knew that you couldn't, but I believed for a moment that you were fed up, I-"_

_"Liam, I'll never be fed up with you, you are my boyfriend, how could I?" said Zayn, biting his lower lip, a habit he shared with Liam._

_"I know you wouldn't. I think I'd the same if I were you. I understand, Zayn, I just wanted you to share it with me. I love you so much, Zayn, I thought I lost you forever," said Liam, knocking their foreheards._

_"Liam, you're my whole life," whispered Zayn. He kissed him slowly, taking all of their time - now, they had plenty of it. Zayn sat down on Liam's knees, his arms around Liam's neck._

 

August, 25th, 2017 - 

Days after that evening, they were sitting on their couch, watching Iron man _because Leeyum it had been so long since we've watched it._   "Baby, I wanted to ask you something," said Liam, playing with Zayn's hair, the latter's head on his chest. Zayn humed, as saying "go on". "Would you like to meet Bear?" 

The Pakistani sat up, looking at his boyfriend in his beautiful eyes. "Meet him? Like, having him here? With us?" Liam nodded. "I'd love to, Liam, but what if he hates me? And would she agree for that?" Liam smiled, kissing Zayn's fingers one by one. "He'll love you as much as I do, baby, and I'll handle her." Zayn smiled in return, kissing him afterwards. "As you want, Li." Zayn was already stressed about it, thus he managed to change the subject.

"Hum, what- could you shave? I love you beard but it tickles, and, hum, I could do it? Like, shave your beard, Leeyum, as I did before you remember? If you don't-"  started Zayn but Liam kissed him to keep him quiet. He then carried him to the bathroom, Zayn's legs around Liam's hips. 

"Go on, jaan," said Leeyum, sitting right next to the sink, on a chair he brought from their bedroom. 

Zayn started his business then, focusing on what he was doing. He didn't want to hurt Liam. And the younger boy was enjoying it, watching Zayn shaving his beard, because when Zayn was focused, he was frowning, and between his eyebrows there was a small wrinkle. Liam, then, started to unbutton Zayn's jeans. "Leeyum you're distracting me," muttered Zayn, rolling his eyes, however smiling. "Let me undress you, I'm bored," replied Liam, slipping down Zayn's trousers. Zayn stepped out of them then, because Liam's smile was so bright when he had finally managed to undress him that Zayn would do anything to see it again.

"Now, let me finish, meri jaan," said Zayn, as he continued what he was doing. The younger was now sliding his hand under Zayn's shirt, stroking his abs. Zayn was cleaning Liam's jaw. Once done, Zayn sat down on Liam's lap, kissing him passionately. "You look so much younger, now," remarked Zayn. He then realised how much he has missed him, how much it had been difficult to quit everything and that now, he wasn't going anywhere ever without Liam. He was thinking about marrying him. He was sure that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, after everything they've been going through. 

Afterwards, when they moved in the living room. Zayn was sitting now on their couch, watching TV. Liam was on the phone, and it seemed important so Zayn left him alone to manage it. However, when Liam began to shout, Zayn stoop up and joined him in the garden. His eyes analyzed his boyfriend, frowning because Liam never shouted. "Give it to me," said Zayn, taking the phone. When Liam tried to reach the phone, Zayn got away and said "don't. Calm down first,". He looked directly in his eyes. Zayn hanged up. "What's going on Li? What's happenig? Why are you so mad?" 

Liam didn't drop his gaze. "I'm done, Zayn. I hate her, like, Zayn, fuck it, I'm done. I'm fucking done." He lighted a cigarette. 

"I know, but if you scream like this, you'll never be able to see him again, Liam," answered Zayn. "Love," he whispered, taking the cigarette and putting it on the garden table, "please, don't. I'm here. Always, always here. Please, baby, talk to me. If you want to cry it's okay, if you want to punch me too. Please, do something, tell me something." Liam then fell to the floor, sitting down. Zayn hugged him hard, stroking his hair. He heard him sobbing and his heart was falling apart at that sound. "You're gonna be okay, jaan. We're gonna be okay. As a family, you, me, and Bear right? All together. We're going to be okay with our son, yeah?" Liam looked up. "Our son.." Zayn nodded, smiling. "Our son. And we can have another one if you want. They'll grow up together, yeah? We'll take care of them. We'll bring Loki, Watson, Rhino. As a big family." Zayn started to see Liam's smile appearing on his lips. He kissed him then, slowly, wiping off his tears on his cheeks. "I love you so much,"muttered Liam, looking at him. "I love you too, love. Forever." 

 

The following evening, Liam got a phonecall. It was Cheryl, but this time it seemed devastating for Liam as he _nearly_ fell to the floor. "Fuck, Zee, I- Cheryl doesn't want the custody," dropped Liam, looking at Zayn in his beautiful eyes. 

And that's how, a week later, Zayn was meeting Bear. He was so anxious about it. He was his boyfriend's son, for Christ's sake, what if he didn't like Zayn? The latter chased these thoughts off his mind as he heard the doorbell. He went to open it then. He then noticed that he was frightened of a baby. Right, Zayn Javadd. Your biggest fear is now your soon-to-be-husband's nearly two year-old baby. He smiled to Liam who was carrying the infant car seat. He kissed him to greet him. He let his boyfriend enter in their house, and once Liam put down the car seat, Zayn saw Bear for the first time. "Oh my God," whispered Zayn. He was Liam's replica. Same nose, same lips, same big, brown and warm eyes. He took him out of it, carefully, into his arms. "Hello Bear, I'm Zayn. I'm your dada's boyfriend. Nice to meet you, baby," murmured Zayn, stroking his back. 

He took him on a tour, showing him every room. Then, they joined Liam who was preparing dinner in the kitchen. "Dada's cooking, Bear, look," but the small boy was fascinated by Zayn. He was looking at him with those big eyes, Zayn's button up shirt in his small fist. "Why are you looking at me like that, baby? I'm that ugly?" Zayn stuck out his tongue, wincing, which made Bear laugh. 

 

In that moment, Zayn fell in love again.

He wanted to hear this laugh for the rest of his life, along with Liam's. "Leeyum, I think I love your son more than you. I'm sorry for that," said Zayn, looking at Bear, and that made Liam laugh too. Zayn gave Bear his bottle, talking to him slowly. He wasn't aware of Liam taking photos of them. And, one of these photos would probably be Liam's lockscreen too, but Zayn didn't need to know it. 

"You're beautiful, right? Like your dada, you're stunning. You'll break hearts, baby boy, either girls or boys. We don't care with your dada you know? Like, if you want to be like us and to love boys, it's okay, baby. Or if you want to date girls, of course that's okay either. If you want to be a Catholic it's okay too. Or you could maybe be a Muslim like my baba? And that's okay too. Whatever you do, we'll always stand by your side. We'll love you, unconditionnally. You are our whole world, yeah? You, me and your dada, yeah Bear? And maybe you'll have a sister or a brother? And you could be a big brother like me with Safaa and Waliyha? You would smash it," said Zayn. As Bear started to fall asleep, Zayn went to put him on their bed, securing the baby with pillows around him. When he came back to the living room, he looked up from his phone, seeing Liam smiling so hard, his eyes all shiny. 

"Lee, what's going on? Come here," said Zayn, looking at him. 

"I just love you. So much, Zayn. So fucking much.", answered Liam. Zayn kissed him, sluggishly. 

"Marry me," muttered Zayn. 

 

This time, Liam _really_ fell to the floor. 

**Author's Note:**

> Of course, this is not the end. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments ! Thank you for reading, it means a lot to me. 
> 
> See you soon


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